i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
