You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So much Jack, so little girl.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
