and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
