Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
