im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
