also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
