literally had 100 drinks last night.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
