I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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