is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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