She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
