from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
