I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
