There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
