Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
