Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
