today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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