i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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