I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
