Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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