Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
