He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
