am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i think my mom watched the whole time
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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