Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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