Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
