alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize