there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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