one word: firstdatebathroomanal
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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