You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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