The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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