i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
