last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
