3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Randomize