She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize