areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
