I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
