when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
