Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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