Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
