Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize