omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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