You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize