she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
