you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
