everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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