Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
