mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
