I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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