you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
