i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Can I color on your dick again?
i've created a new STD.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize