Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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