Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
