Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize