You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize