I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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