my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
MIDGETS
????
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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