Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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