Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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