When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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