I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
