I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
