I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize