yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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