Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
