the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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