I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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