Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize