Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
