I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
