He asked to "fluff my boner.."
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize