One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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