Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
is it fun? or sober?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
